Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

A pile of huge mess

 In case you didn't know, Malaysia is going through full movement control order (fmco) 3.0 right now. It has been going on for almost a month, yet I doubt we will seen any light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon. It is frustrating because I am restricted from doing things I want and I should do in the last one month. I tried to be as productive as I was back in fmco 1.0 but failed miserably. So here I am trying to be productive again after being a sloth for a whole one month (yup, my June is wasted!).

Breaking news: I have completed my pupillage and now remained unemployed. I don't know how long I am going to be unemployed but the anxiety is kickin' in already... I have to find work as soon as possible but right now?? I haven't even filed my chambering papers yet. To be honest, my life is a pile of huge mess and I am trying (so hard) to clean up em' up (not easy as I procrastinate on a lot of things).

I don't even know if I want to continue being a lawyer and if I do which paths are the best for me? I haven't decided and to be frank, I don't know if law is for me. But if it's not law, then what???? I only have a law degree and couldn't afford to do a double degree now that I am an adult, financially independent but also broke.

How I wish I can push the fast-forward button in my life so I would know what I should do and shouldn't do - but sigh. This is what adulting feels like I guess. Confusing. Alright. I guess that's that. A small update about what's happening in my life. There are more to it but I can't seem to dump everything in a post. If I did that, you guys will see just how messy and tangled things are and prolly regret reading this blog.

I hope my life wouldn't be as dark as Malaysia's future (seriously guys, read the news but I better not elaborate). I hope there will still be light at the end of the tunnel. Inshallah. Aamiin.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

tough cookies!

HELLO

Sorry for being away for months! Life was hectic and in case you didn't know, I'm already in my third year (yeah I know right, time flies so fast!) So, who is excited for life updates? (ME obviously tee-hee)

Anyways, it's already week 10 and I guess of all weeks, my week 8 was the busiest week ever. I had two tests, two presentations (one was a surprised one), 20 pages long of assignments. Then all of sudden, I was down with flu throughout the week. You literally have no idea. God, I'm so glad it's over. I swear I was moody for the whole week until my friends told me "you look happier now that you've sent your assignments, kalau tak muka kerut je". Ah, pardon my inevitable face expression, my friends. I love you all regardless x.

To be honest, the reason I'm blogging again is because I want to share some "life lessons" I've learnt throughout this semester. I have been so occupied with stuffs that I notice that it's so hard to keep yourself positive at all times. I put on my moody face 24/7 throughout the week because I was stressed, I said no to most of things, I complained about a lot of things and I treated some of my colleagues in a bad way (god bless them) just because I think they don't understand what I'm going through. ok someone please slap the Zafira in week 8, sighs that woman.

But seriously tho. Week 8 was the week I discover a lot of negative things in me (ok maybe I was living in denial this whole time but bij this time was different). So that's when I decided to do some reflection... and come out with two important life lessons (which I have taken for granted all this time ehe).

1. DON'T BE A COMPLAINER

The number of times I complaints was... Mashallah. I complained about almost everything that happened in my life, "why do we have a lot of tests", "kenapa page limit 20 pages, that's a looot :(", "can I just skip all classes today", "kenapa mesti ada meeting at times like this" and more!!

You see, the thing about complaining is that you only focus on the negative sides of everything. It makes you look weak in front of other people cause people probably would have the thought "eh budak ni asyik complain je, tapi kerja tak jalan, balik bilik tidur, kelas skip". My senior once said to me, "no matter what you are going through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel". There's no used of complaining, let's just focus on getting the job done and give your 101%!

Plus, whatever you get yourself into, you are the one who puts yourself in that situation. You have options and you choose to do it. Remind yourself that it is amanah Allah so you are obliged to get it done without complaining too much. Because at the end of the day, it's your choice. Your choice.

2. BE CONSIDERATE

We are humans and we make mistakes. I know how much we hate people who don't give us the chance to justify ourselves when we make mistakes, so let's not do it to other people. Life is not about you alone. You live in a society and you have to consider other people's situations before you jump into conclusion. If you are not satisfied with someone, you could probably stop and look at things from that person's perspective.

Sebab bukan kau sahaja pelajar dalam dunia ini. Bukan kau sorang saja busy, ada assignments, tutorials, tests, presentation. They have too. It's just that they decided not to burden your thoughts with their problems.


Anyways, you get the point. Life is not all about rainbow and sunshine. There will of course be some downsides to it. You will breakdown, make faces, annoyed with humans simply because they exist, cry, feel sick of everything, but hey tough time don't last, tough people do!!

And you are one of the tough cookies!!!

I always think that no matter what happened, I will get the job done. I have to. That somehow make things a lot bearable. Oh, I forgot to tell that my laptop had some screen problem and it can't be used as we are reaching week 8. I was so worried because I literally can't live without my laptop. I have tutorials which I haven't done, assignment I barely started, presentations (I changed my topic last minute, oh lord) and notes I haven't printed out. God bless my parents for being so understanding, they came all the way from Bangi to send me my mom's laptop while mine got repaired. Alhamdulillah. 

Ah, God is Gracious, most Merciful. It feels surreal that all these happened 3 weeks ago. After week 8, I had the best mid sem break ever. I spent quality times with my family and do some catching up with my siblings. All these - 3 weeks ago, that day I don't even think I will survive the week. But I did. That's the best part of it.

All of your struggles, it will pass. I promise

Stay strong, you can do this! ;)

and here's to a more positive Nurzafira Sabrina in the future, ganbatte!

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Friday, July 13, 2018

future, whats up

D-idk.

It wasn't a good day at work that day but I decided to ditch my evening nap and went downstairs instead. 

"Ira rasa macam nak buat Master"  I said to my dad. 

Trust me. I was also very surprised with what I said. 

Anyways, if you are on twitter, you probably would encounter tweets like this,
"by 22, I would have my own car. 
24 - a house
25 - get married"
etc

The kind of tweets that give me anxiety. The kind of tweets that made me wonder if I'm on the right track, if whatever it is that I'm doing is right. When I read these kind of tweets, I wonder how on earth at the age of 22 they already have their own car when me on the other hand, pray all day and night to be accepted by college so I wouldn't have to go to lectures by public transport. Let's not talk about house here... I can't even afford a second hand car!

Frankly speaking, I was so worried when I saw that kind of tweets on my timeline. It gave me pressure. As if I was competing. Life became what-can-you-achieve-before-you-turned-30. But then it hits me. That's not how life's supposed to be. There's more than that. It's whether or not you enjoy the journey in order to get to the destination. It's about you being happy with what you are doing. It's not, and will never be a race.

It's okay if you still go to places with public transport just because you can't afford a car. It's okay if you get married in your late 30s. Or if you still haven't found your dream job when everyone else has settle down. It's okay. Take your time and enjoy your journey. Life would be boring if everyone shares the same story line. So make yours a different one. Make it memorable, at least to yourself.

Lagipun rezeki orang lain lain.

I believe that we all work so hard to achieve what we want and inshallah, Allah will grant our wishes when He thinks is right/when we are ready. I know at some point we will feel down and disappointed for not reaching people's expectation. It's okay to be not okay but don't forget to pull yourself up afterwards okay? Tough time don't last but tough people do!!

As for now, I'll try to finish my degree with flying color (coughs first class honor seems impossible by now coughs), complete 9 months of Chambering, get myself a stable job before I could simpan duit for cars and house. I'll definitely reconsider doing Master tee-hee.

BY THE WAY,

Guess what did my dad ask when I was telling him my future plan????

"Bila kau plan nak kahwin?"

.....
..
...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bila ada jodoh. lol

Till then,

Lots of love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Okay?

"You don't need other people to care to be fine. 
It's your mind,
 your matter,
so likewise, 
only you should matter to yourself.
 Don't depend on others on things you can do on your own.
 But always depend on Allah 
on everything 
cause He is the only one you need to have care for you."

- @wanidessu (2018)