While I was typing this, I was sitting at the bench in law faculty. It was a bright sunny day. The sky was clear. I know I'm going to miss this scenery once I've completed my study. That would be in less than a year!

Final year got me thinking about a lot of stuffs. Especially my future. What would happen after I graduate? Where will I be in 5 years? Will law still be my passion (wait, is it even my passion now?). Jokes aside. Final year made me overthink! At 10.00 a.m. today, I just finished my Advocacy trials. This was my first time representing the plaintiff as the lead counsel. I volunteered myself. I wanted to feel what it is to answer to a judge. Because all this while, I was just avoiding myself from this huge responsibility. 

Of course, many things happened this semester which caught me thinking about my performance, my insecurities, my capabilities as a law student. I always felt like I wasn't enough. I wasn't as excellence as the other students. I didn't shine as bright as other students in this faculty. Often, I question if reading law is really what I've always wanted to do. It's scary once I'm consumed with such thoughts. But then again, it always bothered me. Always. 

Today, when the judge commented on my performance on the re-examination; once again I was slapped with a pang of disappointment. I spent all night trying to construct 'wise' questions. All I want is some compliment from the judge evaluating me. But today, all I received was comments on how I overdo the re-examination of plaintiff witness. I feel down. But this time, I am aware that I couldn't seek reassurance from my cliques. I tried but they were busy. They have their own business to mind. So I was left alone. Here. Right now. Writing this.

I know I couldn't depend on people forever to reassure me, but their words of encouragement and their mere presence, calm me from these horrendous thoughts I've on myself. Talking, sharing thoughts made me calm. But then again, at this peak of time, no one is able to spare some of their time for you.

Anyways, even after I've let go of my commitments, my drafting's individual assignment was still below average, I still didn't study hard enough to understand the concept for power of PP that I failed the test last week. God knows, what else I've failed to do. The exam hasn't even started yet, but the thoughts of results scare me. Am I that bad as a law student?

If I tell anyone at all what I've written here; people will tell me that this is a learning process.  I have so much to learn and I shouldn't stop just because someone criticize my work. The lecturer do that to help us improve. And for as long as I am a student, there will be a lot of room for improvement. NOTED THANK YOU.

It's just one of the days I question my "worthiness"as a law student. I want to do my Chambering at a well-known, established law firms too. But I'm afraid my performance wasn't up to their level. Here I am, doing everything at the very bare minimum. I've to stop writing now. My time's up. I've to attend CP tutorial. 

Till next time!

DPP to be?

Day 10 of Internship at AGC

We were placed under unit 3 of the Prosecution Department; Sexual Crimes and Domestic Violence. Today's a little special as we got the chance to go to the court of children in Putrajaya and also visited the room where the children testified in court. It's very conducive just like how Dr Farah always described it in our Child Law lecture. After that we were briefed of the tasks done by the DPP in Unit 3, can't help but find everything we discussed interesting.

Anyways, I'm really considering to join service once I graduated.

Future's still blurry to be honest but I need to plan anyways. So here's one.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina

study week & worries

My body ache so bad last night so I decided to sleep early. I woke up feeling shitty and worried. I'm worried because there are still a lot of chapters I have yet to cover and I saw a friend of mine tweeted she had covered most of the subjects and only a few left. I took a deep breathe and constantly checked my phone - I don't know why but I tend to do that every time I feel restless. Maybe I was searching for assurance that hey you are not that slow.

I was going through my Islamic Criminal Law slides when at the end of the slides, Ustaz put a saying by Confucious "no matter how slow you are, don't stop" and all of sudden, there's this feeling of comfort. The kind of assurance that I needed the most, came in just at the right time.

I know there are times when we have worked so hard, write so much notes, read a lot of books, but it still doesn't feel enough and it seems like someone out there has always done more than we do. But please, don't make it a reason for us to quit studying. Remind our own self that a progress is still a progress regardless of our 'slow' phase. Be glad that we are still moving instead of stopping.

I'm trying not to beat myself for taking longer rest than I needed yesterday. I'm still trying to forgive myself for stopping at a subject because I think it has too much topics to cover. And looking at the words of motivation, I feel at ease a bit. Of course, I shouldn't give up too early after this! #lessonlearnt.

Please make du'a I could at least cover as much as topics before exam days.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

study week, Aina & uniride

Decided to spend the first week of my study week in UM instead of home (sobs sobs). God knows the struggles to survive here when everyone else went home. College is so dead, even the cafe and printing shop are temporarily close in my college. It's so frustrating but I was lucky enough to have Aina as my roommate.

Yesterday, since cafe's closed, Aina and I decided to make use of the uniride (well, she always used it, unlike me) to buy our lunch and dinner. Riding uniride is an extreme sport, at night especially because I'm constantly worried if drivers are aware of my existence on the road. There's this one time when I was in my college area when there's this taxi coming in the opposite direction and I noisily said, "Careful, careful I'm here, you have to see me!!!" when he actually opened up his car's window and said, "Lampu depan tak ada!!" and I shouted back, "Ha'ah, tahu pun!!" Oh lord. Why am I like that haha. I was also worried if I'm too slow that it disturbs other road users but thinking of it again, I have my rights on the  road as well. If not, the University wouldn't be bothered to provide uniride as one of students' facilities.

ANYWAYS, IT WAS FUN.

I have been confining myself in room for days actually!! Surrounded myself with notes because kid you not, 7 subjects are a lot to cover. I'm always panicking if I don't have enough time to cover all of them during study week. But once in a while, a break to fresh air is very much needed. And riding uniride when the university is empty helps a lot!

By the way, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate (wondering where's my Santa at stressful times like this) and a happy new year to all. Good luck with finals and if you are stressed out, you should probably try riding uniride too! :P

Till then.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Tolong Jangan Gelak

Tolong jangan gelak, 

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Bukan tagih simpati

Cuma perlu teman berbicara

Tahukah kau 

Wujudnya manusia

Yang mempunyai timbunan rasa risau tentang dirinya?

Tolong jangan gelak, 

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Bukan aku harap agar kau percaya

Cuma tahukah kau

Setiap orang itu berbeza

Ada kadang kasih tak terasa?

Tolong jangan gelak,

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Jadilah orang pendengar setia

Kadang kau tak tahu apa guna

Rasa puas punya tempat luah rasa

Tolong jangan gelak,

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Kadang kau tak cakna keadaan semasa

Harap tak hilang orang di depan mata.

Written by, Nurzafira Sabrina.

tough cookies!

HELLO

Sorry for being away for months! Life was hectic and in case you didn't know, I'm already in my third year (yeah I know right, time flies so fast!) So, who is excited for life updates? (ME obviously tee-hee)

Anyways, it's already week 10 and I guess of all weeks, my week 8 was the busiest week ever. I had two tests, two presentations (one was a surprised one), 20 pages long of assignments. Then all of sudden, I was down with flu throughout the week. You literally have no idea. God, I'm so glad it's over. I swear I was moody for the whole week until my friends told me "you look happier now that you've sent your assignments, kalau tak muka kerut je". Ah, pardon my inevitable face expression, my friends. I love you all regardless x.

To be honest, the reason I'm blogging again is because I want to share some "life lessons" I've learnt throughout this semester. I have been so occupied with stuffs that I notice that it's so hard to keep yourself positive at all times. I put on my moody face 24/7 throughout the week because I was stressed, I said no to most of things, I complained about a lot of things and I treated some of my colleagues in a bad way (god bless them) just because I think they don't understand what I'm going through. ok someone please slap the Zafira in week 8, sighs that woman.

But seriously tho. Week 8 was the week I discover a lot of negative things in me (ok maybe I was living in denial this whole time but bij this time was different). So that's when I decided to do some reflection... and come out with two important life lessons (which I have taken for granted all this time ehe).

1. DON'T BE A COMPLAINER

The number of times I complaints was... Mashallah. I complained about almost everything that happened in my life, "why do we have a lot of tests", "kenapa page limit 20 pages, that's a looot :(", "can I just skip all classes today", "kenapa mesti ada meeting at times like this" and more!!

You see, the thing about complaining is that you only focus on the negative sides of everything. It makes you look weak in front of other people cause people probably would have the thought "eh budak ni asyik complain je, tapi kerja tak jalan, balik bilik tidur, kelas skip". My senior once said to me, "no matter what you are going through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel". There's no used of complaining, let's just focus on getting the job done and give your 101%!

Plus, whatever you get yourself into, you are the one who puts yourself in that situation. You have options and you choose to do it. Remind yourself that it is amanah Allah so you are obliged to get it done without complaining too much. Because at the end of the day, it's your choice. Your choice.

2. BE CONSIDERATE

We are humans and we make mistakes. I know how much we hate people who don't give us the chance to justify ourselves when we make mistakes, so let's not do it to other people. Life is not about you alone. You live in a society and you have to consider other people's situations before you jump into conclusion. If you are not satisfied with someone, you could probably stop and look at things from that person's perspective.

Sebab bukan kau sahaja pelajar dalam dunia ini. Bukan kau sorang saja busy, ada assignments, tutorials, tests, presentation. They have too. It's just that they decided not to burden your thoughts with their problems.

Anyways, you get the point. Life is not all about rainbow and sunshine. There will of course be some downsides to it. You will breakdown, make faces, annoyed with humans simply because they exist, cry, feel sick of everything, but hey tough time don't last, tough people do!!

And you are one of the tough cookies!!!

I always think that no matter what happened, I will get the job done. I have to. That somehow make things a lot bearable. Oh, I forgot to tell that my laptop had some screen problem and it can't be used as we are reaching week 8. I was so worried because I literally can't live without my laptop. I have tutorials which I haven't done, assignment I barely started, presentations (I changed my topic last minute, oh lord) and notes I haven't printed out. God bless my parents for being so understanding, they came all the way from Bangi to send me my mom's laptop while mine got repaired. Alhamdulillah. 

Ah, God is Gracious, most Merciful. It feels surreal that all these happened 3 weeks ago. After week 8, I had the best mid sem break ever. I spent quality times with my family and do some catching up with my siblings. All these - 3 weeks ago, that day I don't even think I will survive the week. But I did. That's the best part of it.

All of your struggles, it will pass. I promise

Stay strong, you can do this! ;)

and here's to a more positive Nurzafira Sabrina in the future, ganbatte!

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

future, whats up

D-idk.

It wasn't a good day at work that day but I decided to ditch my evening nap and went downstairs instead. 

"Ira rasa macam nak buat Master"  I said to my dad. 

Trust me. I was also very surprised with what I said. 

Anyways, if you are on twitter, you probably would encounter tweets like this,

"by 22, I would have my own car. 

24 - a house

25 - get married"

etc

The kind of tweets that give me anxiety. The kind of tweets that made me wonder if I'm on the right track, if whatever it is that I'm doing is right. When I read these kind of tweets, I wonder how on earth at the age of 22 they already have their own car when me on the other hand, pray all day and night to be accepted by college so I wouldn't have to go to lectures by public transport. Let's not talk about house here... I can't even afford a second hand car!

Frankly speaking, I was so worried when I saw that kind of tweets on my timeline. It gave me pressure. As if I was competing. Life became what-can-you-achieve-before-you-turned-30. But then it hits me. That's not how life's supposed to be. There's more than that. It's whether or not you enjoy the journey in order to get to the destination. It's about you being happy with what you are doing. It's not, and will never be a race.

It's okay if you still go to places with public transport just because you can't afford a car. It's okay if you get married in your late 30s. Or if you still haven't found your dream job when everyone else has settle down. It's okay. Take your time and enjoy your journey. Life would be boring if everyone shares the same story line. So make yours a different one. Make it memorable, at least to yourself.

Lagipun rezeki orang lain lain.

I believe that we all work so hard to achieve what we want and inshallah, Allah will grant our wishes when He thinks is right/when we are ready. I know at some point we will feel down and disappointed for not reaching people's expectation. It's okay to be not okay but don't forget to pull yourself up afterwards okay? Tough time don't last but tough people do!!

As for now, I'll try to finish my degree with flying color (coughs first class honor seems impossible by now coughs), complete 9 months of Chambering, get myself a stable job before I could simpan duit for cars and house. I'll definitely reconsider doing Master tee-hee.

BY THE WAY,

Guess what did my dad ask when I was telling him my future plan????

"Bila kau plan nak kahwin?"

.....

..

...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bila ada jodoh. lol

Till then,

Lots of love, Nurzafira Sabrina.