Friday, July 13, 2018

future, whats up

D-idk.

It wasn't a good day at work that day but I decided to ditch my evening nap and went downstairs instead. 

"Ira rasa macam nak buat Master"  I said to my dad. 

Trust me. I was also very surprised with what I said. 

Anyways, if you are on twitter, you probably would encounter tweets like this,
"by 22, I would have my own car. 
24 - a house
25 - get married"
etc

The kind of tweets that give me anxiety. The kind of tweets that made me wonder if I'm on the right track, if whatever it is that I'm doing is right. When I read these kind of tweets, I wonder how on earth at the age of 22 they already have their own car when me on the other hand, pray all day and night to be accepted by college so I wouldn't have to go to lectures by public transport. Let's not talk about house here... I can't even afford a second hand car!

Frankly speaking, I was so worried when I saw that kind of tweets on my timeline. It gave me pressure. As if I was competing. Life became what-can-you-achieve-before-you-turned-30. But then it hits me. That's not how life's supposed to be. There's more than that. It's whether or not you enjoy the journey in order to get to the destination. It's about you being happy with what you are doing. It's not, and will never be a race.

It's okay if you still go to places with public transport just because you can't afford a car. It's okay if you get married in your late 30s. Or if you still haven't found your dream job when everyone else has settle down. It's okay. Take your time and enjoy your journey. Life would be boring if everyone shares the same story line. So make yours a different one. Make it memorable, at least to yourself.

Lagipun rezeki orang lain lain.

I believe that we all work so hard to achieve what we want and inshallah, Allah will grant our wishes when He thinks is right/when we are ready. I know at some point we will feel down and disappointed for not reaching people's expectation. It's okay to be not okay but don't forget to pull yourself up afterwards okay? Tough time don't last but tough people do!!

As for now, I'll try to finish my degree with flying color (coughs first class honor seems impossible by now coughs), complete 9 months of Chambering, get myself a stable job before I could simpan duit for cars and house. I'll definitely reconsider doing Master tee-hee.

BY THE WAY,

Guess what did my dad ask when I was telling him my future plan????

"Bila kau plan nak kahwin?"

.....
..
...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bila ada jodoh. lol

Till then,

Lots of love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Monday, July 9, 2018

hi crush, this is for you

Is there any chances that you know?

Maybe it's true, it's true that I haven't fully moved on from you.

Till these days, I still regret for saying no when you asked me out merely because I was insecure with myself, for not replying your messages, for letting you fight on your own when our feelings are mutual, for expecting "us" to happen without efforts.

"I like you"

I wish you know how I feel for you. I wish you know that I appreciate your efforts to make a move on me. I wish you know how bad I want us to meet. I wish I said yes to fireworks, star wars and food hunting.

Too bad for me. All that were memories and will remain memories, probably forever.

Lots of Love,
Nurzafira Sabrina

Saturday, May 12, 2018

lepak topic

Love, relationships are one of the things that everyone has in common. Everyone wants to love and be loved. Probably that's why whenever we had a lepak session, we'll somehow settle on this topic.

Indeed, it's very interesting to talk about your crush to someone and listen to their opinion of what actually happened to your love life when it was just a mere prediction based on what they heard from one party. You are probably syok sendiri when you tell them the hints you've been getting from your crush. But then again, everyone does that when they're in love. At the end of the day, we just want to convince our own self that we are not clapping with one hand. When that's what actually happened (lol)

I have never been into any serious relationship all my life (and I have always wished I am in one!) I think it's the peer pressure that makes me so desperately want to be in relationship. Most of the people I know talk about the guy the like, fangirling over a simple 'hey' message from their 'the one' and let just admit the truth, I want to experience that kind of hype too!

But I guess, it's not time for me just yet.

Today I got to know that my crush probably has someone special already. I kind of miss the days when he buzzed me and we had some random conversation. Sometimes, I wonder what if I said yes when he asked me out. Would that make a change to my status now or nah things will be the exact same way it is now? y'know what I mean... Well, it's too late to answer that question now. He's leaving with some other girl.

Anyways I'll stick to this powerful quote "if it's meant to be, it will be" and we are probably not meant for each other. *CRINGE* With that, there's nothing I could do but move on. A part of me convinced that I have moved on, but there are pieces of me I believe refused to do so. It still excites me when I saw him liking my tweets or when he viewed my instastory. Sighs it's probably the idea of him that I'm still attached to.

Pape pun, I'll always settle on this crush-love-relationship topic whenever we had our late night lepak session. Because I'll never give up in finding the one????????????????? ok cringe for real.

Till then. Semoga Bahagia.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Okay?

"You don't need other people to care to be fine. 
It's your mind,
 your matter,
so likewise, 
only you should matter to yourself.
 Don't depend on others on things you can do on your own.
 But always depend on Allah 
on everything 
cause He is the only one you need to have care for you."

- @wanidessu (2018)

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Baetul Baeyah

Remember my promise to update about BB's mega project, going to Petrosains with the kids??? Here I am!
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07/04/2018

Anyways just to tell you guys, it has been a super stressful and busy week. Week 9 was e-learning week (which means we are having online classes instead of physical lectures and tutorials!) but we are very much occupied with quiz(es) and assignments. E-learning may seem fun because you get to do everything at home but trust me the workload stays the same.

I haven't felt very humane for the past few weeks. It's probably because I had a very unproductive mid semester break (home all day, everyday smh. Not to mention I spent almost everyday in my room throughout the e-learning week as well) so I'm very very excited for this BB's mega project!

Once we reached the Madrasah, as per usual some of the kids would wait for us outside. I was walking with the other volunteers when I heard, "hi kak, hi kak" but I ignored it because I thought it was for some other kakaks when it turned out that the HI was meant for me!!! It was Razif whom hi-ed me. Good lord. Only god knows how excited I was when I knew he remembered me!!! I mean, it has been a while since my last BB trip but the fact that these kids still remember me made me flattered.

Yelah. Every week they will meet other volunteers, ini tak kira those who came under different projects than Baitul Bahiyyah. The chances for the kids to remember me is like 0.00001% kot? Haha. That's why I get so excited. Even when they don't remember my name, they still remember how I look like. :')

Like my previous trip, Adham asked me to become the moderator to control the situation for few minutes before we proceed with the next tentative. We made some cheers like tepuk rocket, tepuk tak bunyi  and tepuk cikabuka just to warm up the kids. Then we separated them into their groups and this time I had to take care of the tahap 1 students - Aris, Nordini, Natasha, and Fiza (a bit sad cause I want to be in Razif's group but that's ok). After we had breakfast, we went to Petrosains, Suria KLCC.

@ Petrosains, Suria KLCC.

Alhamdulillah, everything went well for the tahap 1 kids. Even though there were some delays, we still manage to follow the tentative. The flow was pretty smooth for these kids. Our main concern was actually the toilet because... you know... tak ada paip....  but it wasn't really a big problem because they somehow know how to use the bidet so yay for that! #kurangkerjaakak

While we were in Petrosains, the kids were very excited when they see the technology. It is indeed a good place to triggered their curiosity and mind to think out of the box. It's sad to say that some of them barely go out and experience such things themselves. So this project is a great medium to expose them to the 'real world'.








Our last pit stop at Masjid Wilayah before sending the kids back to their Madrasah.

I'm so sorry I posted pictures of myself more than the kids but they are protected under Child Act. Despite the consent we received from the Madrasah, I don't think it's appropriate to post it here. So if you want to see more of the kids' pictures do follow @baitulbahiyyah's instagram!

Anyways, just to tell you guys, today (14/04/2018) was Majlis Penutup Baitul Bahiyyah and it brings back memories on how I started my journey as an AJK under this Project. I joined loads of projects last semester so I barely contributed for BB. I went for the previous Majlis Penutup and Adham forced to become an informal emcee (not like it's a big deal haha). And today here I am, becoming emcee for Majlis Penutup Baitul Bahiyyah for the second time and I was so pleased to do so (despite having a massive headache).


Our LDK was a bit special this time! We taught the kids how to make "love" by origami and then the kids need to write something for the facilitators and these are what I received!

Ahh, can't believe it's the end of BB already and this semester I develop so much love for the the kids and BB team. I'm attached to this little family a little too much this time. I wish I would still get college next semester just so I can meet the kids, again.

Rindu dah.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Monday, March 26, 2018

between two

It sure feels like a dream comes true to be reading law at the most prestige university in Malaysia. All this while I have been thinking how impossible it is for me to pursue my study in University Malaya. Now I already in my 4th semester, 2nd year of Degree.

Thank God, there are few posts regarding my journey in becoming a so-called lawyer that I haven't deleted. I still remember how excited I was when I was accepted to pursue Foundation in Law in UiTM, then I attended three interviews from three different universities (UiTM, UKM and UM). Alhamdulillah, I was accepted by UM to continue my journey as a law student.

I still remember one of my lecturers said how hard it is for me to survive in UM law school and if any of us graduated from that school one day, we should text him, "Sir, saya dah graduate from UM law school" which made me doubt my decision so many times. But Alhamdulillah, with His wills, I'm already here.

During the first semester of my 1st year of Degree, I didn't do very well but still, I passed all subjects. Maybe it was my first time juggling between my study and college projects that I slacked a lot. I didn't participate actively in tutorial and did so-so for my assignments. I lepak a lot at night after projects' meeting and skipped morning class the next day, ish ish. Same goes to second semester but this time it got worst, I even failed a paper. The whole semester was cursed and I expected it to happen. It was rough for me but I got through it again. I limit college's projects during the third semester. Passed all subjects but I'm not so proud of my GPA. Now, in my forth semester, I have no idea that I have actually registered for quite loads of projects but thank God, all the projects had ended and took place only on the first half of the semester. #nasibbaik.

For now, I haven't skipped any tutorials neither do lectures #doinggood but I still am very worried about finals. I don't think I did well this semester. I have assignments due EVERY WEEK and I doubt I gave my 100% when I did it. I am worried.

Sometimes I questioned my existence in the faculty - How did I get here? What makes the lecturers who interviewed me think I am qualified enough to be a part of the faculty? Because lord, the number of times I felt stupid are countless haha. What did I do during Foundation that makes me think law is the one. Haha.

I had pep talk with my dad and today he told me that, nothing in this world comes easy. Whatever I'm learning, it's always going to get harder. All I need to do is to focus in my study (which also means sacrificing my volunteering activities in college). Let's accept the harsh truth that I'm not really good when it comes to time management. Whenever I had practiced or meeting, I'll usually neglect my tutorials which are SUPER IMPORTANT because 1) it has participating marks, 2) I need to talk to EARN those marks and 3) if I'm not prepared how the heck you expect me to talk, I don't even understand the effing question that we discussed.

Maybe I'm just lazy cause balik terus tidur but let's be frank here who doesn't feel tired after spending one whole day in the faculty????????????? I even had 7 hours straight of class on Tuesday, you expect me to be all ok and energetic????? (I realize I'm complaining here) I am fully aware that some of my seniors also participate actively in college projects and some even joined faculty's clubs and still made it??? I guess I have to accept the fact that I'm not as smart as them?!?!?!?!

You know what, I just wish I can do well in both. Study is my first my priority and I have passion for volunteering too. Don't make me choose. :( oh well, I don't even have options actually. I'm there to study. That's it full stop. I know that everyone who reads this probably would say, "alah it's your fault lah tak reti jaga masa." yadda, yadda. Tryna be law students first then you'll know the struggle especially when you are dumb like me.

Nevertheless, your gurl gotta finish what she has started. I'm already half way through so yeah, let's just pray I'll get through this semester with flying color. Plus most of the projects I joined this semester had ended so yas can focus on my study for the second half of the semester!!

Ps: Should be studying and prepare for next week's e-learning BUT I'M SO LAZYYYY eeeihh.

Tolong doakan saya tak malas-malas selalu please. Hehe.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

BB at heart

I guess one of the best things about studying in UM would be all the volunteering projects we have here. 

In Faculty of Law, I participate actively in Community Outreach Program. Through this program, we will be going to places like KL Krashpad, Kechara, Sekolah Bimbingan Jalinan Kasih (SBJK), PAKK as well as TSP which situated in Ipoh, Perak. COP members would be going to these places every semester to do fun activities with the kids. Most of the time we would teach the kids regarding the law we have in Malaysia like assaults, battery, bully, but in simpler term of course so they could understand. Meanwhile in college, I joined volunteering projects such as Ekspedisi Nelayan and Baitul Bahiyyah.

It's interesting what you would benefit after volunteering. I mean, the experiences you would get throughout the whole program, it's priceless.
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10/03/2018



I remember my recent trip to Madrasah Darul Tahfiz Sri Al-Ain in Sungai Buloh under my college project, Baitul Bahiyyah. I was placed in Tahap 3 class and were asked to watch after them while they had their exams.

To be frank, I don't really understand the objective of this project at first. All I know is that ajks and volunteers went there every week to teach the kids Mathematics, Science and English so ok kita datang, ajar, mingle with the kids, ask them stuffs, then blah. Until I actually went there myself (and that was my 4th trip... god...) and involve immensely with the kids.



It was during the exam was conducted and all the kids, be it the boys or girls all go,

"Kak macam mana nak buat ni?

"Kak apa maksud ni?"

"Kak macam mana nak kira ni?"

"Kak betul ke jalan kira ni?"

I swear to God, it's annoying  (sorry I'm not kids friendly haha) so I went to Hisham (HOD for Biro Tutorial) and asked him if these kids have already learned all these basic mathematics questions or not? Who taught them? and If they receive a proper and formal education? That's the moment when the truth unravel.

The fact that these kids are refugees aren't bizarre to me. I know that most of them came from Kemboja. BUT I legit have to idea that these kids couldn't get a proper and formal education from a legit sekolah kebangsaan because they don't have identity card??????????????????????? Ya Allah, it truly breaks my heart when one of the students told me this, "saya tak boleh pergi sekolah macam tu sebab saya tak ada mykid". How am I supposed to react to this. :( Then I started going around asking if the kids have identity card and sadly, most of them know very well that they can't have one. :( 

"Macam mana nak buat IC, mak ayah saya pun tak ada. Ayah saya datang sini under permit, mak datang sini guna passport. Ayah kata kalau nak buat IC kena ada orang tolong, tapi tak ada siapa nak tolong."

I asked these kids if they have elder sister/brother and what happened to them now. Yang ada abang cakap abang dah kerja and suprisingly his brother is only 14!!!! Yang ada kakak cakap kakak ada kat Indonesia, kerja juga. When I asked them, what they will do after this, they looked super clueless. Some of them wanted to pursue their study but unfortunately they don't have the privilege to do so. 

"Belajar kat sini jelah kot kak sampai mati."

If that doesn't break your heart... :(

"Saya nak sambung belajar, saya nak masuk universiti nak belajar pasal gadjet."

At this point of time, I really wish I could do something to help them but too bad, I'm powerless. I felt  useless because I couldn't come out with anything to help them but being supportive of what they want to be. Then I was reminded of COP and immediately whatsapp kak Mun (director of COP) of what we could do to help them. And it's sad to know that there's only one option we could do to help them make identity card which is through adoption. That's when I realize, helping them with their study is the least I could do to help these poor kids.

Meeting and talking to the unfortunate kids reminded me of how blessed I actually am. I am privilege enough to be able to pursue my study in prestige university. My parents have provided enough for me to live yet I still don't know how to appreciate.

This would be one of the moments I'll never forget when I was volunteering. I learned that every time we want to join this kind of project, we need to know the objectives of it first. Why we go there in the first place, who are we helping, why we help them etc. That's how you put your heart in doing things so that when you felt tired, you wouldn't complain. In fact, you know that whatever you are doing will be worth it in the end. Volunteering gave me self-satisfaction I couldn't get anywhere else. It's the kids that make my heart warm.

Anyways, sorry for there's no pictures of the kids I could show because they are protected under Child Act. I truly miss them and I can't wait to have for the Mega event under this project - we will be visiting Petrosains with the kids yayy!! I'll be meeting Hussein and Razif (sorry biased, hehe). I'll definitely (inshallah) blog about it! :)

I guess that's all for this post. Till next time!

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.