study week & worries

My body ache so bad last night so I decided to sleep early. I woke up feeling shitty and worried. I'm worried because there are still a lot of chapters I have yet to cover and I saw a friend of mine tweeted she had covered most of the subjects and only a few left. I took a deep breathe and constantly checked my phone - I don't know why but I tend to do that every time I feel restless. Maybe I was searching for assurance that hey you are not that slow.

I was going through my Islamic Criminal Law slides when at the end of the slides, Ustaz put a saying by Confucious "no matter how slow you are, don't stop" and all of sudden, there's this feeling of comfort. The kind of assurance that I needed the most, came in just at the right time.

I know there are times when we have worked so hard, write so much notes, read a lot of books, but it still doesn't feel enough and it seems like someone out there has always done more than we do. But please, don't make it a reason for us to quit studying. Remind our own self that a progress is still a progress regardless of our 'slow' phase. Be glad that we are still moving instead of stopping.

I'm trying not to beat myself for taking longer rest than I needed yesterday. I'm still trying to forgive myself for stopping at a subject because I think it has too much topics to cover. And looking at the words of motivation, I feel at ease a bit. Of course, I shouldn't give up too early after this! #lessonlearnt.

Please make du'a I could at least cover as much as topics before exam days.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

study week, Aina & uniride

Decided to spend the first week of my study week in UM instead of home (sobs sobs). God knows the struggles to survive here when everyone else went home. College is so dead, even the cafe and printing shop are temporarily close in my college. It's so frustrating but I was lucky enough to have Aina as my roommate.

Yesterday, since cafe's closed, Aina and I decided to make use of the uniride (well, she always used it, unlike me) to buy our lunch and dinner. Riding uniride is an extreme sport, at night especially because I'm constantly worried if drivers are aware of my existence on the road. There's this one time when I was in my college area when there's this taxi coming in the opposite direction and I noisily said, "Careful, careful I'm here, you have to see me!!!" when he actually opened up his car's window and said, "Lampu depan tak ada!!" and I shouted back, "Ha'ah, tahu pun!!" Oh lord. Why am I like that haha. I was also worried if I'm too slow that it disturbs other road users but thinking of it again, I have my rights on the  road as well. If not, the University wouldn't be bothered to provide uniride as one of students' facilities.

ANYWAYS, IT WAS FUN.

I have been confining myself in room for days actually!! Surrounded myself with notes because kid you not, 7 subjects are a lot to cover. I'm always panicking if I don't have enough time to cover all of them during study week. But once in a while, a break to fresh air is very much needed. And riding uniride when the university is empty helps a lot!

By the way, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate (wondering where's my Santa at stressful times like this) and a happy new year to all. Good luck with finals and if you are stressed out, you should probably try riding uniride too! :P

Till then.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

Tolong Jangan Gelak

Tolong jangan gelak, 

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Bukan tagih simpati

Cuma perlu teman berbicara

Tahukah kau 

Wujudnya manusia

Yang mempunyai timbunan rasa risau tentang dirinya?

Tolong jangan gelak, 

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Bukan aku harap agar kau percaya

Cuma tahukah kau

Setiap orang itu berbeza

Ada kadang kasih tak terasa?

Tolong jangan gelak,

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Jadilah orang pendengar setia

Kadang kau tak tahu apa guna

Rasa puas punya tempat luah rasa

Tolong jangan gelak,

Jangan gelak bila aku bercerita

Kadang kau tak cakna keadaan semasa

Harap tak hilang orang di depan mata.

Written by, Nurzafira Sabrina.

tough cookies!

HELLO

Sorry for being away for months! Life was hectic and in case you didn't know, I'm already in my third year (yeah I know right, time flies so fast!) So, who is excited for life updates? (ME obviously tee-hee)

Anyways, it's already week 10 and I guess of all weeks, my week 8 was the busiest week ever. I had two tests, two presentations (one was a surprised one), 20 pages long of assignments. Then all of sudden, I was down with flu throughout the week. You literally have no idea. God, I'm so glad it's over. I swear I was moody for the whole week until my friends told me "you look happier now that you've sent your assignments, kalau tak muka kerut je". Ah, pardon my inevitable face expression, my friends. I love you all regardless x.

To be honest, the reason I'm blogging again is because I want to share some "life lessons" I've learnt throughout this semester. I have been so occupied with stuffs that I notice that it's so hard to keep yourself positive at all times. I put on my moody face 24/7 throughout the week because I was stressed, I said no to most of things, I complained about a lot of things and I treated some of my colleagues in a bad way (god bless them) just because I think they don't understand what I'm going through. ok someone please slap the Zafira in week 8, sighs that woman.

But seriously tho. Week 8 was the week I discover a lot of negative things in me (ok maybe I was living in denial this whole time but bij this time was different). So that's when I decided to do some reflection... and come out with two important life lessons (which I have taken for granted all this time ehe).

1. DON'T BE A COMPLAINER

The number of times I complaints was... Mashallah. I complained about almost everything that happened in my life, "why do we have a lot of tests", "kenapa page limit 20 pages, that's a looot :(", "can I just skip all classes today", "kenapa mesti ada meeting at times like this" and more!!

You see, the thing about complaining is that you only focus on the negative sides of everything. It makes you look weak in front of other people cause people probably would have the thought "eh budak ni asyik complain je, tapi kerja tak jalan, balik bilik tidur, kelas skip". My senior once said to me, "no matter what you are going through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel". There's no used of complaining, let's just focus on getting the job done and give your 101%!

Plus, whatever you get yourself into, you are the one who puts yourself in that situation. You have options and you choose to do it. Remind yourself that it is amanah Allah so you are obliged to get it done without complaining too much. Because at the end of the day, it's your choice. Your choice.

2. BE CONSIDERATE

We are humans and we make mistakes. I know how much we hate people who don't give us the chance to justify ourselves when we make mistakes, so let's not do it to other people. Life is not about you alone. You live in a society and you have to consider other people's situations before you jump into conclusion. If you are not satisfied with someone, you could probably stop and look at things from that person's perspective.

Sebab bukan kau sahaja pelajar dalam dunia ini. Bukan kau sorang saja busy, ada assignments, tutorials, tests, presentation. They have too. It's just that they decided not to burden your thoughts with their problems.

Anyways, you get the point. Life is not all about rainbow and sunshine. There will of course be some downsides to it. You will breakdown, make faces, annoyed with humans simply because they exist, cry, feel sick of everything, but hey tough time don't last, tough people do!!

And you are one of the tough cookies!!!

I always think that no matter what happened, I will get the job done. I have to. That somehow make things a lot bearable. Oh, I forgot to tell that my laptop had some screen problem and it can't be used as we are reaching week 8. I was so worried because I literally can't live without my laptop. I have tutorials which I haven't done, assignment I barely started, presentations (I changed my topic last minute, oh lord) and notes I haven't printed out. God bless my parents for being so understanding, they came all the way from Bangi to send me my mom's laptop while mine got repaired. Alhamdulillah. 

Ah, God is Gracious, most Merciful. It feels surreal that all these happened 3 weeks ago. After week 8, I had the best mid sem break ever. I spent quality times with my family and do some catching up with my siblings. All these - 3 weeks ago, that day I don't even think I will survive the week. But I did. That's the best part of it.

All of your struggles, it will pass. I promise

Stay strong, you can do this! ;)

and here's to a more positive Nurzafira Sabrina in the future, ganbatte!

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

future, whats up

D-idk.

It wasn't a good day at work that day but I decided to ditch my evening nap and went downstairs instead. 

"Ira rasa macam nak buat Master"  I said to my dad. 

Trust me. I was also very surprised with what I said. 

Anyways, if you are on twitter, you probably would encounter tweets like this,

"by 22, I would have my own car. 

24 - a house

25 - get married"

etc

The kind of tweets that give me anxiety. The kind of tweets that made me wonder if I'm on the right track, if whatever it is that I'm doing is right. When I read these kind of tweets, I wonder how on earth at the age of 22 they already have their own car when me on the other hand, pray all day and night to be accepted by college so I wouldn't have to go to lectures by public transport. Let's not talk about house here... I can't even afford a second hand car!

Frankly speaking, I was so worried when I saw that kind of tweets on my timeline. It gave me pressure. As if I was competing. Life became what-can-you-achieve-before-you-turned-30. But then it hits me. That's not how life's supposed to be. There's more than that. It's whether or not you enjoy the journey in order to get to the destination. It's about you being happy with what you are doing. It's not, and will never be a race.

It's okay if you still go to places with public transport just because you can't afford a car. It's okay if you get married in your late 30s. Or if you still haven't found your dream job when everyone else has settle down. It's okay. Take your time and enjoy your journey. Life would be boring if everyone shares the same story line. So make yours a different one. Make it memorable, at least to yourself.

Lagipun rezeki orang lain lain.

I believe that we all work so hard to achieve what we want and inshallah, Allah will grant our wishes when He thinks is right/when we are ready. I know at some point we will feel down and disappointed for not reaching people's expectation. It's okay to be not okay but don't forget to pull yourself up afterwards okay? Tough time don't last but tough people do!!

As for now, I'll try to finish my degree with flying color (coughs first class honor seems impossible by now coughs), complete 9 months of Chambering, get myself a stable job before I could simpan duit for cars and house. I'll definitely reconsider doing Master tee-hee.

BY THE WAY,

Guess what did my dad ask when I was telling him my future plan????

"Bila kau plan nak kahwin?"

.....

..

...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bila ada jodoh. lol

Till then,

Lots of love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

regrets

Is there any chances that you know?

Maybe it's true, it's true that I haven't fully moved on from you.

Till these days, I still regret for saying no when you asked me out merely because I was insecure with myself, for not replying your messages, for letting you fight on your own when our feelings are mutual, for expecting "us" to happen without efforts.

"I like you"

I wish you know how I feel for you. I wish you know that I appreciate your efforts to make a move on me. I wish you know how bad I want us to meet. I wish I said yes to fireworks, star wars and food hunting.

Too bad for me. All that were memories and will remain memories, probably forever.

Lots of Love,

Nurzafira Sabrina

Okay?

"You don't need other people to care to be fine. 

It's your mind,

 your matter,

so likewise, 

only you should matter to yourself.

 Don't depend on others on things you can do on your own.

 But always depend on Allah 

on everything 

cause He is the only one you need to have care for you."

- @wanidessu (2018)

Baetul Baeyah

Remember my promise to update about BB's mega project, going to Petrosains with the kids??? Here I am!

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07/04/2018

Anyways just to tell you guys, it has been a super stressful and busy week. Week 9 was e-learning week (which means we are having online classes instead of physical lectures and tutorials!) but we are very much occupied with quiz(es) and assignments. E-learning may seem fun because you get to do everything at home but trust me the workload stays the same.

I haven't felt very humane for the past few weeks. It's probably because I had a very unproductive mid semester break (home all day, everyday smh. Not to mention I spent almost everyday in my room throughout the e-learning week as well) so I'm very very excited for this BB's mega project!

Once we reached the Madrasah, as per usual some of the kids would wait for us outside. I was walking with the other volunteers when I heard, "hi kak, hi kak" but I ignored it because I thought it was for some other kakaks when it turned out that the HI was meant for me!!! It was Razif whom hi-ed me. Good lord. Only god knows how excited I was when I knew he remembered me!!! I mean, it has been a while since my last BB trip but the fact that these kids still remember me made me flattered.

Yelah. Every week they will meet other volunteers, ini tak kira those who came under different projects than Baitul Bahiyyah. The chances for the kids to remember me is like 0.00001% kot? Haha. That's why I get so excited. Even when they don't remember my name, they still remember how I look like. :')

Like my previous trip, Adham asked me to become the moderator to control the situation for few minutes before we proceed with the next tentative. We made some cheers like tepuk rocket, tepuk tak bunyi  and tepuk cikabuka just to warm up the kids. Then we separated them into their groups and this time I had to take care of the tahap 1 students - Aris, Nordini, Natasha, and Fiza (a bit sad cause I want to be in Razif's group but that's ok). After we had breakfast, we went to Petrosains, Suria KLCC.

@ Petrosains, Suria KLCC.

Alhamdulillah, everything went well for the tahap 1 kids. Even though there were some delays, we still manage to follow the tentative. The flow was pretty smooth for these kids. Our main concern was actually the toilet because... you know... tak ada paip....  but it wasn't really a big problem because they somehow know how to use the bidet so yay for that! #kurangkerjaakak

While we were in Petrosains, the kids were very excited when they see the technology. It is indeed a good place to triggered their curiosity and mind to think out of the box. It's sad to say that some of them barely go out and experience such things themselves. So this project is a great medium to expose them to the 'real world'.

Our last pit stop at Masjid Wilayah before sending the kids back to their Madrasah.

I'm so sorry I posted pictures of myself more than the kids but they are protected under Child Act. Despite the consent we received from the Madrasah, I don't think it's appropriate to post it here. So if you want to see more of the kids' pictures do follow @baitulbahiyyah's instagram!

Anyways, just to tell you guys, today (14/04/2018) was Majlis Penutup Baitul Bahiyyah and it brings back memories on how I started my journey as an AJK under this Project. I joined loads of projects last semester so I barely contributed for BB. I went for the previous Majlis Penutup and Adham forced to become an informal emcee (not like it's a big deal haha). And today here I am, becoming emcee for Majlis Penutup Baitul Bahiyyah for the second time and I was so pleased to do so (despite having a massive headache).

Our LDK was a bit special this time! We taught the kids how to make "love" by origami and then the kids need to write something for the facilitators and these are what I received!

Ahh, can't believe it's the end of BB already and this semester I develop so much love for the the kids and BB team. I'm attached to this little family a little too much this time. I wish I would still get college next semester just so I can meet the kids, again.

Rindu dah.

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

BB at heart

I guess one of the best things about studying in UM would be all the volunteering projects we have here. 

In Faculty of Law, I participate actively in Community Outreach Program. Through this program, we will be going to places like KL Krashpad, Kechara, Sekolah Bimbingan Jalinan Kasih (SBJK), PAKK as well as TSP which situated in Ipoh, Perak. COP members would be going to these places every semester to do fun activities with the kids. Most of the time we would teach the kids regarding the law we have in Malaysia like assaults, battery, bully, but in simpler term of course so they could understand. Meanwhile in college, I joined volunteering projects such as Ekspedisi Nelayan and Baitul Bahiyyah.

It's interesting what you would benefit after volunteering. I mean, the experiences you would get throughout the whole program, it's priceless.

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10/03/2018

I remember my recent trip to Madrasah Darul Tahfiz Sri Al-Ain in Sungai Buloh under my college project, Baitul Bahiyyah. I was placed in Tahap 3 class and were asked to watch after them while they had their exams.

To be frank, I don't really understand the objective of this project at first. All I know is that ajks and volunteers went there every week to teach the kids Mathematics, Science and English so ok kita datang, ajar, mingle with the kids, ask them stuffs, then blah. Until I actually went there myself (and that was my 4th trip... god...) and involve immensely with the kids.

It was during the exam was conducted and all the kids, be it the boys or girls all go,

"Kak macam mana nak buat ni?" 

"Kak apa maksud ni?"

"Kak macam mana nak kira ni?"

"Kak betul ke jalan kira ni?"

I swear to God, it's annoying  (sorry I'm not kids friendly haha) so I went to Hisham (HOD for Biro Tutorial) and asked him if these kids have already learned all these basic mathematics questions or not? Who taught them? and If they receive a proper and formal education? That's the moment when the truth unravel.

The fact that these kids are refugees aren't bizarre to me. I know that most of them came from Kemboja. BUT I legit have to idea that these kids couldn't get a proper and formal education from a legit sekolah kebangsaan because they don't have identity card??????????????????????? Ya Allah, it truly breaks my heart when one of the students told me this, "saya tak boleh pergi sekolah macam tu sebab saya tak ada mykid". How am I supposed to react to this. :( Then I started going around asking if the kids have identity card and sadly, most of them know very well that they can't have one. :( 

"Macam mana nak buat IC, mak ayah saya pun tak ada. Ayah saya datang sini under permit, mak datang sini guna passport. Ayah kata kalau nak buat IC kena ada orang tolong, tapi tak ada siapa nak tolong."

I asked these kids if they have elder sister/brother and what happened to them now. Yang ada abang cakap abang dah kerja and suprisingly his brother is only 14!!!! Yang ada kakak cakap kakak ada kat Indonesia, kerja juga. When I asked them, what they will do after this, they looked super clueless. Some of them wanted to pursue their study but unfortunately they don't have the privilege to do so. 

"Belajar kat sini jelah kot kak sampai mati."

If that doesn't break your heart... :(

"Saya nak sambung belajar, saya nak masuk universiti nak belajar pasal gadjet."

At this point of time, I really wish I could do something to help them but too bad, I'm powerless. I felt  useless because I couldn't come out with anything to help them but being supportive of what they want to be. Then I was reminded of COP and immediately whatsapp kak Mun (director of COP) of what we could do to help them. And it's sad to know that there's only one option we could do to help them make identity card which is through adoption. That's when I realize, helping them with their study is the least I could do to help these poor kids.

Meeting and talking to the unfortunate kids reminded me of how blessed I actually am. I am privilege enough to be able to pursue my study in prestige university. My parents have provided enough for me to live yet I still don't know how to appreciate.

This would be one of the moments I'll never forget when I was volunteering. I learned that every time we want to join this kind of project, we need to know the objectives of it first. Why we go there in the first place, who are we helping, why we help them etc. That's how you put your heart in doing things so that when you felt tired, you wouldn't complain. In fact, you know that whatever you are doing will be worth it in the end. Volunteering gave me self-satisfaction I couldn't get anywhere else. It's the kids that make my heart warm.

Anyways, sorry for there's no pictures of the kids I could show because they are protected under Child Act. I truly miss them and I can't wait to have for the Mega event under this project - we will be visiting Petrosains with the kids yayy!! I'll be meeting Hussein and Razif (sorry biased, hehe). I'll definitely (inshallah) blog about it! :)

I guess that's all for this post. Till next time!

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.

#dikirfambam

I swear to God there are so many things to write about - my trip to Kelantan for EKAN, Baitul Bahiyyah trip to Madrasah Darul Tahfiz Sri Al-Ain in Sungai Buloh where I met and taught refugees, COP 2 days and 1 night team building and my experience joining Dikir Barat for the first time!!!


In this post, I would be writing about my dikirfambam because guess who haven't moved on??? *coughs, coughs*
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17/03/2018

If you have read my previous post, you'll probably know that this semester I decided to step out of my comfort zone and joined something I never thought I would/could do. 

And one of them is joining dikir barat to represent our college in FESENI.

If you are UM students you probably know that every semester we would have Festival Seni also known as FESENI. It is a competition in which all 12 college in UM would send representatives to compete in certain performances such as Koir, Boria, Pop Band, Tarian Kreatif and more. One of the reasons I decided to participate in dikir barat was because out of all acara, I think dikir was the most interesting one and it doesn't need that much of 'talent' except for a loud voice. So after giving it a thought, I decided to give it a try by attending the interview. But there's no interview pun, at the end of the day everyone who came were selected to be in the team so yay!!

During the supposedly interview night, we had an introduction of how dikir barat works. In dikir we have awok-awok, tukang karut, tok jogho, and 4 people would play the percussion. Tok Jogho and Tukang Karut would lead awok-awok in lagu jogho, karut anjur, karut matang 1 & 2, karut cepat, and karut tani.

Then during semester break we had to come one week early than anyone else for Perkampungan Feseni. During this one week, we basically practice everything such as lagu, bunga and for those who played percussion, they learned how to play 'em because most of us are new and had absolutely 0 knowledge of dikir.

To be honest, I had the thought to withdraw myself from the team cause I think it took too much of my time. Mula-mulalah sebab every night we would have 2 hours of practice tapi rasa macam lack of input. It's probably because we haven't gotten the full lyrics for all the songs so you know, meh. But I'm so glad I have Alia Husna and Syaf (says halo to my dikirfambam) for always supporting me. They are the whole reason why I still want to be a part of the team.

"Nanti kalau awak keluar, awak mesti menyesal" - Alia Husna

Couldn't agree more with Alia. :')

Eventually, after we got the full lyrics for lagu jogho and lagu karut, I started to enjoy dikir so much. It's to the point that  I don't mind spending two hours of my night dikir with all awok-awok at lobby lelaki.

I probably was the most negative awok-awok in the team. I always think it seemed impossible for us to get a placing in the competition and maintain our kejuaraan in FESENI (coz dikir barat KK2 is no joke ok). I feel so for reasons ok. First because 99% of us are new members so hello you can't expect us to be as good as the previous team??????? Second, we have super slow voice that almost everyone who watched us dikir would said, lemaunya korang smh. Third, as we reached towards the day of the competition we were still insecure of our bunga, and we (especially me) were scared of our unfinished karut tani. We heard rumors (from coaches of other kk) about how goood they were already and here we are receiving mostly negative comments for our performances. Subahanallah, macam mana saya tak negatif huhu.

On the last day of our practice, we had a round table. That was the time when we let out everything that we felt throughout this one month plus of practice. God if only you guys were there to hear what everyone had to say, you'll be speechless. It's amazing how dikir affect us all in positive ways. 

"Dari pendiam dah jadi seorang yang berani nak bercakap, useful untuk buat presentation"

"Dulu suara slow, sekarang dah kuat"

...and more!!

We also had one chinese member in the team, and you'll be surprise to know what she said on that very last day, "saya sudah jatuh cinta dengan dikir barat, we are not just a team, we are a family!!" Nawh, Jennifer is such a sweetheart. :3 It might seemed impossible for us to get a placing in the eyes of other people, but we already win with such great bonding. 

Rehearsal twime!

Minutes before we were on stage!! 

Everyone was so excited for make-up sesh!

With Tok Jogho Terbaik, Wafahish and our Tukang Karut, Nabilah!

With dikir perempuan's manager, Syaf.<3 p="">

Here's a few words for you, 

Thank you so much for being the best manager. Thank you for being so so kind, for having faith on us, for making dikir something we love instead of something we were forced to do. You are the whole reason we made it this far. I'm so so glad I work with you. All the stressful time that you had, tears you shed for dikir, it's all worth if, Syaf. Tahniah. :')

AND YES PEEPS!!!!

THEY ANNOUNCED US AS THE 1ST RUNNER UP FOR DIKIR BARAT FESENI 17/18 

ALHAMDULILLAH, HARD WORK PAID OFF!

Sri Bahiyyah and Tingkah Bahiyyah.

Sri Bahiyyah: no. 2

Tingkah Bahiyyah: no. 4

Let's come back stronger guys!!

And a picture with our coach, Encik Asrul!

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Alhamdulillah, all the late night practices, constant reminder to look at the audience and smile, to just shout it out and jangan control ayu, it's all finally worth it. We did it geng.

More pictures my instagram's highlights: dikirfambam.

Last but not least thank you so much to those who came to support us!!

This should be my second time of performing on stage. Good lord, who would've thought I. would. be. doing. this. I mean, PERFORMING ON STAGE ?????? IS THAT FOR REAL???? Alhamdulillah this is truly a great experience for me. There's too much of memories I've made masa berdikir, moving on is going to be super hard!!! :'(

Uhmm... nak lagi? *hints hints* hehe. Inshallah, kalau dapat kolej semester hadapan, we'll rock the lobby again. :')

Anyways, before I end this post, I leave this video for those who want to watch us berdikir lol (PLEASE IGNORE ME HAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S SO EMBARASSING TO SEE MYSELF IN THIS VIDEO BUT DAS OK FOR MEMORIES PURPOSES I RELA POST THIS VIDEO HERE HAHAHAHA :p)

Enjoy~~

Ah I miss them already (and rindu nak memekak lol).

Till then! 

Lots of Love, Nurzafira Sabrina.